Spur-of-the-moment

Guess what? I think I am having fun with my life! I mean I am not really good at school (though I thought I was), I don't play any sports and passive to school organizations, I still feel lucky. Come to think of it I can still wake up in the morning and eat what I like to eat without worrying that my waistline's never going to shrink for God knows when. I can go to class everyday without thinking that I might get embarassed in the middle of discussion because I wasn't paying attention. I can look at some cute guys without hooking up with them. Really, life has been so good to me and I was too blind that I didn't notice it before. And you know what? I am starting to have more positive vibes each day. I had too many expectations that's why I could get really down and depressed everytime I failed on something. There is really nothing wrong with expecting because sometimes it can be very helpful if I have something to look forward to. The thing is too much expectation can get too contagious at times. It can be so vicious that all I can of all all the good things that could happen. I I don't take into consideration the worst things that could happen. This is maybe because I am selfish and I am too proud. Though I never really made into action my pride; I just keep it on me.

The bottomline is, I am happy that there are things in life that I can do freely now compared before when I always have to force myself into something I don't really like. This time, I can do things that please me without hurting anyone, even myself. My mother would always tell me that whenever I am soo hurt and so down and I wanted to begin a new chapter of my life, I should start with forgiving myself first. I wont be able to deal with ther people and problems around me when even I, myself, isn;t ready to face the world. I should start with building courage and belief in me ao that the people around would understand and accept me for who I am. ^_^

Message in a Bottle

I keep on wondering why someone has to put a message in a bottle and throw it in the ocean. There must be something about it yet my mind refuse to believe it. Until one day, when I felt like my mind and heart would burst because of too many things it tried to haul, I found myself writing in a piece of blue stationary, circling it until it was an inch in width and trying to get it right for the small bottle that I could find in my room.

I tried to simulate what Garret did in the book Message in a Bottle before he threw the bottle in the ocean. I sailed for an unbearable three hours before I found the perfect spot where I could toss away the bottle that I have never left out from my grip. I thrust once more the letter so that it would reach the bottom of the bottle and would never leave there. I stared at it for a moment, the wind rapidly blowing away the strands of hair that I weren’t able to tie.

I tucked my free hand in my pocket and seized the tiny necklace that he gave to me. It was very pretty before, but it looked ugly and old now. Its brown color didn’t match my fair skin. I left out a heavy sigh, pushing away the sad memories that were trying to restore in my mind.

I kissed the cover of the bottle and held it for a long time. I faced the northwest direction where the wind monsoon blow and threw the bottle as far as I could muster. My gaze followed the bottle as it fell only a few meters away from the boat. I knew it, there was no way I could get it back. I waited until the waves crawled at the bottle and jostled it away until it was out of my sight. Soon it would reach the great Pacific Ocean. Then, it would hover through the vast rivers and fall in Caribbean. It would somehow break in one of those encounters. But, who cares?

After a couple of minutes, I started to move around. But before I could even move my feet, I felt something hard on my left hand. I lowered my head and raised my hand only to see the necklace still clutching tightly my fingers. Its brown color turned silver and it shined while the sun lowered through the mountains in thw west. Suddenly, tears began to form in my eyes. I struggled to hold those tears back but I couldn’t contain it anymore. I burst into tears, heavy and long cries even just a single glimpse of the bottle but it was nowhere to find. It would be gone forever.

But then, why the necklace?

(This was written when I was in second year college in my English Literature class. My professor asked us to write a short story about our idea of teen-age love)